The difficulties of interacting with someone medically diagnosed with Dementia have finally hit me. Between repeated questions within mere seconds from one another and interrupted conversations, I sigh in despair within. Despite being fully committed to answering her questions repeatedly and being patient in our conversations, I cannot help but think how I would ever be able to sustain this over a more prolonged period. I have just finished my last conversation with her for probably a long time. It is a bittersweet moment, for I will dearly miss her entertaining stories but am abashedly glad that I may start to prioritise other commitments now.
Part 1: The Conversations
To be sure, I have had wonderful conversations with my anonymous elderly friend, whom I truly regard as one of the wisest, open-minded elderly I know, especially for one who has hardly been through formal education.
In a non-exhaustive list:
She speaks about hardship with a blasé attitude[1].
She is highly perceptive. In particular, she is well aware of the dilemma involved in lying when navigating through human relationships[2].
She is grateful and contented.
She is not afraid of death.
She is humble and open-minded[3].
Despite all the admiration I have for her, I still cannot help but feel utterly frustrated when our conversations start going in a big circle. Conversely, I wonder why we are generally more tolerant of these quirks if displayed by an innocent child. Perhaps because we have been enchanted by their cuteness and naivety?
Regardless, I’ve been solemnly reminded about the importance of self-care. Throughout my elderly friend’s life, she has proudly told me that she has enjoyed numerous years living and travelling overseas independently. I believe that has attributed to her long and healthy life thus far. However, she has sheepishly admitted that she is lazy, especially when it comes to exercise. When she was no longer able to walk and travel, it likely attributed to her deteriorating health. While I still advocate for interdependency which involves building mutual trust and support between one another, one should not be totally reliant on another to keep their own health in good shape.
Part 2: The Entire Journey
Also, this short but intensive volunteering experience has reinforced my vision to provide truly sustainable, long-term solutions to the more impoverished and disadvantaged amongst us. Now more than ever, we have been blessed with rapid advancements of technology which theoretically should be able to make the lives of not just the majority, but the entire human race[4], more convenient and more comfortable. Unfortunately, the very economy which propelled the rapid developments in technology is our main obstacle towards diverting more resources to those with little to no purchasing power. Unfortunately, money does talk.
And before the naysayers come to condemn this article, I should add that I do agree that technology is not the panacea to all the problems in this world. I do believe that if our community spirit could go back in time, perhaps before the advent of the Internet, that our mutual support and interdependence for one another would be sufficient to help close many of the holes in current social welfare policies. However, it is a fact that shifting cultural mindsets and attitudes take time.
While I would love to devote more of my time to serving my elderly friend, I know that that would do little in the larger scheme of things and can only hope that my elderly had gotten some much needed companionship during these unprecedented times. I can only hope that as we finally transit into phase 1, my elderly friend who does not read the news, remembers what I have told her about what she can and cannot do. I can only hope that her efforts to leave her door open would be enough in the event she really does need help from her neighbours.
And so, what I have learnt today and throughout the entire programme is that there is so much more that we can do and must do. Arguably, the more privileged we are and the more privileges we have been born into, the more we have the moral responsibility to contribute back to society[5]. Or I think more aptly mentioned in the article referenced,
“Being wealthy is a responsibility, because no one became rich by themselves. There are costs the society bore to enable that wealth, and there is the moral obligation to give back.” – Uma Shashikant
More optimistically, I have been reminded about the parable of The Star Thrower[6]. For those not familiar with the parable, it is best exemplified by the following quote,
“Small acts, when multiplied by millions of people, can transform the world.” – Howard Zinn
We may have started off with just a handful of elderly beneficiaries, but making one more of their day worth living is one less day they feel that they are just ‘waiting to die’.
Ending off the final article, I do hope that at least 1 of it spoke to you just like it has spoken to us.
[1] As she recounted her experience during the Japanese Occupation, she stated that they used to eat noodles mixed with sand, just to increase the volume of the food and whet their appetites. [2] For instance, she illustrated the scenario of going out with friend A one day and friend B the very next day. If friend A and B dislike one another, and friend B asked her who she went out with the day before, she certainly will not mention that she went out with friend A for it may unnecessarily cause friend A to be hurt. [3] Valuing the importance of broadening her perspective, she spares no expense going abroad to understand the lives of others. However, she does make a caveat that she never travels in a tour group and makes it a point to go to places not frequented by tourists. [4] https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2015/09/how-technology-can-help-us-eliminate-not-alleviate-poverty/ [5]https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/wealth/plan/are-wealthy-people-morally-obliged-to-give-it-back-to-society/articleshow/65910126.cms [6] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Star_Thrower
Comments