Throughout my conversations thus far, my elderly friend would consistently remind me about the importance of travel. In fact, she values travel so much that she once declared, “不要乱花你的钱啊。一当你有足够的钱，你就该去旅行。“ “Do not waste your money. Once you have sufficient money, use it to travel overseas.”
A bold remark, I needed to clarify what she actually meant, suggesting to her that there were certainly many other necessities that one should use their money for. And while she did seem to relent slightly, she also defended herself,
“你出国的时候，不要跟旅行团一起去哦。你该自己走一走，看人们的生活怎样。“ “When you do get the opportunity to travel, do not travel with a tour group. Instead, walk around the country by yourself and observe the local’s way of life.”
Essentially, she values the importance of understanding others’ perspectives and to be cognisant about the differences in lifestyle and culture.
Having diligently picked her brain thus far, I do believe that she has lived out according to her ideals. For one, she has no hatred towards the Japanese, happily going there for vacation years ago. She does not detest the British for having failed to protect our country as well, for the soldiers at that time were merely acting upon orders and she is well aware that they needed to protect their homeland first. Approaching her about the Japanese Occupation more than once, she always gave the same answer,
“你觉得这些人喜欢大战啊？他们只在做他们的工作。“ “Do you think these people like to go to war? They are just doing their job.”
Even as a victim of the Occupation, she could relate to her aggressors for they were simply defending their own country and providing for their families. If they did not, would they not have died as well?
Wondering where her insights came from despite barely having any formal education, I realised that it likely stemmed from her acute observational skills and her humility to understand others instead of imposing her own beliefs onto them. In other words, the time she has spent roaming the streets has made her both literally and figuratively, street-smart.
In contrast, I find myself struggling with my own prejudice against others, struggling to fully understand another’s situation before offering my own advice, as if I knew any better. While there is no magic pill to automatically become more empathetic, the first practical step will be to have the humility to acknowledge our problem. Thereafter, we need the humility to recognise that we can never truly understand what another individual has gone through, even if we have gone through the exact same thing. Instead, we ought to listen to every experience like a brand new story, not just thinking about how we may have felt in such a situation and extrapolating it onto them, but actively listening and internalising the feelings they are conveying to us at that very moment.
In a nutshell, as impossible as it may seem, never impose our feelings onto others but always be an active listener. After all, do we not all perceive experiences differently?
“True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.” – Rick Warren
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